WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
