I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
