He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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