Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When did angry sex become our thing?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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