I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
