but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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