he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
