East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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