Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
