Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
