Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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