So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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