I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
