This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
false alarm, still single
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
