It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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