she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
