Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
