For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
