I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
