I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
