I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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