I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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