can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
love makes seman taste better
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
