if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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