hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
