I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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