I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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