I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
