If i come over, it means nothing
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
