Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Maybe he injected his testicle?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
