So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
