didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
