apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
