in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
