i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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