I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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