I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
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