physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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