in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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