Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
