Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
