god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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