my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
