i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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