I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
