the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
