I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
