were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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