So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
And then he peed in my hair
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