Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
